Your boss is getting on your nerves, the girlfriend’s giving you sweet heart attacks every weekend and your landlord’s always on the calculator trying to figure out what a ten per cent hike of your rent would look like. And it doesn’t end here. Your maid’s been sick for way too long and you’re sure she’s used the un dino ki baat hai excuse twice already this month. As a result you’ve been relying on maggi for breakfast and Juneja’s shanty restaurant for dinner. Dark circles have started to appear not just under your eyes but seem to be spreading all along your face, so much so that you look like a lieutenant in camouflage from a Vietnam war flick. If you fall into any of these categories or worse still have a permutation figured out among them, it’s time to make some lifestyle changes that will take you off all the drudgery that’s been pulling you down.
1. Take control
No, I’m not Norman Vincent Peale and I’m not going to start a chapter on “thinking positive” that will be archived into the bullshit section of your brain’s subconscious drawer. It’s simple – stop depending on others to live your life. The maid doesn’t come on time, cook something yourself; girlfriend’s upset over your cosy selfie with your college crush who comes back to town for a day, have one long conversation and let her ponder over things herself; you’re stuck in a movie hall watching the latest MSG sequel, well there are some things that you do need to feel bad about...
2. Eat well
No kidding. You know how effed up your life becomes when you’re stuck in a bad relationship for long? Your habits begin to change, you become moody, and you’re literally transformed into a sad B-grade version of your own self. With food it’s just the same. Everything you eat stays in your body for a good 30 hours and I ain’t making this shit up. So it’s like a small relationship. You don’t really want to end up in a messy one, right? You’ve got to eat right so that you have happy thoughts and you feel active. Bad food is like a sedative... it feels good when you’re consuming it but later you wake up with the entire day gone missing.
3. Get the right job
Okay, you took that engineering exam after school because your mother emotionally blackmailed you and your dad threatened to cut down your pocket money. Now when you look into the mirror after having thrown up the third time, all you see is a robot with a thousand expectations of relatives and neighbours painted all over your steely exterior. Skip Friday night karaoke and think about yourself. Remember what you wanted to be when you were a kid. No, not the ‘I want to be a barber because the sound of hair against scissors sounds cool’ phase. The real shit that you dreamt about. Save up, take up a course, don’t shy away from a shitty-salary start, and launch yourself into the right sky.
4. Music up
I know you sing like a crow and roommates have forbidden you from singing even in the bathroom, but that shouldn’t stop you from listening to some tunes. Music really calms you down and rids your always-processing brain of words of your own. Some researches in the ‘west’ have also quarried some therapeutic features of music, so if it’s only what the white world says that you follow, listen to them and not just a brown man sitting in an office in New Delhi. Get a good collection, grab some decent earphones and rock that world with music.
Every interview that you’ve sat through till now has seen you crooning over how one of your most favourite hobbies is travelling. You lying bastard! It’s time to make amends and develop a real travelling hobby. And no, going to your Nani’s house in the countryside because your mamaji’s youngest son just had a brother doesn’t come in this category. Make some plans to really travel. Research on destinations, modes of travelling, read up about the place, learn about new cuisines and experience all that first hand. It’s like a therapy that cleanses you from all the shit you’re surrounded with all the time.
The reason you’re leading an unsatisfactory eff all life is because you’ve let yourself to be like this. Change the gear and hit the accelerator hard. There’s not enough shit in the world that you can’t getaway from. Cheers!