Man Flu Is Real.. And It Could Kill You!
Don’t go to Northern Ireland, or the North East, or London, or South West
The fact According to the Health Protection Agency, the places above were flu-ridden death zones last year.
Prof ron says “The cold capital is London, because of the density of population. The healthiest part of the UK would be the Scottish Islands, due to the lack of people.”
The solution Head north west, or to Yorkshire or the Midlands. All healthy-ish areas compared to the hell camps above.
Never touch iPhones in shop
The fact This is why you shouldn’t allow everyone to touch your gadgets. A study in the Journal Of Applied Microbiology found that viruses easily transfer between glass surfaces. So when you play Angry Birds you pick up life-threatening nasties.
Prof ron says “Anywhere with surfaces that have been touched
by many people is a risk.”
The solution Take anti-bacterial wipes wherever you go.
Keep your hands off escalator handrails
The fact When scientists at the University of Arizona investigated the perils of escalator handrails in shopping centres, they found frightening amounts of lethal gut germ E.coli on them, plus piss, poo, mucus and blood. All the good stuff.
Prof ron says“Don’t touch your nose or eyes when you’re out. And wash your hands as frequently as possible.”
The solution Again: wipes. Alternatively: don’t touch escalator handrails. Only old people need handrails.
Beware the cash machine enter button
The fact Some Chinese profs got their tweezers and test tubes out on 38 cash machine keypads in Taipei, in Taiwan, and found each key had an alarming 1,200 germs on it. The enter buttons had even more, because it’s the one that’s used the most. And they never get cleaned, so they’re basically petri dishes full of germs.
Prof ron says “I always press the enter button on cash machines and pedestrian crossings with my knuckle, rather than my fingertip.”
The solution Use your nose, elbow or Prof Ron’s knuckle technique to punch your details in. Or get your money like your nan does: from an actual person in an actual bank. Another trick is to use a cashpoint in the full glare of the sun because its ultraviolet rays are good at annihilating germs.
Stay away from the supermarket
The fact Toyshops and supermarkets are toxic because kids pick up stuff from shelves, lick it and put it back. Kids get ill more often than adults – 10 to 12 times a year – so are usually dripping with mucus. Also, mums let kids who aren’t really potty-trained sit
on trolley handles, so they get dirty.
Prof Ron says “Anywhere with kids is high risk. They’re very messy, will wipe their noses on anything and spread mucus everywhere.”
The solution Online shopping. Ain’t no germs living in your confirmation email.
Don’t live with your girlfriend
The fact Your own house is, statistically, where you’re most likely to catch flu.
Prof Ron says “The highest risk is someone you live with, like your partner or housemates. If you have someone ill at home you’re in danger. You’ll never get a cold living alone, as long as you don’t leave the house.”
The solution Never move in together. Although it’s unlikely the relationship will last if you tell her not getting ill means more to you than she does. If you have to co-habit, wipe her down with anti-bacterial wipes.