Are You A Victim Of Friend Zone?
“It’s never gonna happen… you waited too long to make your move and now you’re in the ‘friend zone’. Ross, you’re mayor of the zone.” And with that, modern-day philosopher and sandwich aficionado, Joey Tribbiani, created a monster. In that 1994 Friends episode, The One With The Blackout, he coined a term that would go on to strike fear into the hearts of all warm-blooded males around the globe: the friend zone. Once a man is placed into a girl’s friend zone, rubbing shoulders with other guys she likes hanging out with but has absolutely no interest in ever hooking up with, he’s got as much chance as a bowl-bound goldfish of escaping. Like said goldfish, you can see the girl you lust after but cannot touch her; the longer you’re trapped there, the fatter, sadder and smellier you get and, ultimately, you’ll end up swimming around in mind-rotting circles until either another ladyfish is dropped into your environment, or you flop out on to the kitchen floor in an act of total resignation. So it’s time we found the bright green ‘exit’ sign in every single friend zone out there. To guide you away from danger, who better to listen to than these beautiful friends of FHM, primed with the advice to help you find a way out.
What the hell is the friend zone?
Jo: “You’re in the friend zone if a girl likes your company but she wants to have sex with someone else. She spends a lot of time with you but doesn’t want to do the sexy dance.”
Layla: “You might be the best looking guy and have the best personality, but you just don’t have that edge.”
Jo: “Or you’re too easy. A girl won’t want to sleep with you if you’ve slept with all the girls she knows.”
Lana: “Or you’ve known each other for too long that sleeping together would just be… weird.”
Why do girls have a friend zone?
Jo: “It can be a real confidence boost to have a guy that you know wants you but will never have you. All the compliments and moves he’s pulling are probably the reason he’s in the friend zone in the first place – a girl doesn’t want to give that feeling up.”
Lana: “I can’t have sex with everyone. There’s only so many people.”
How can I avoid being put there?
Jo: “Don’t always be there at her beck and call. Don’t text her back straight away.”
Layla: “Don’t drop doing whatever it is that you’re doing just because she’s called you up.”
Jo: “Just don’t be a little lap dog and let her walk all over you. She needs to know that you have a life of your own.”
Has a guy ever broken out of your friend zone?
Lana: “Argh, it was really messy. I was seeing his best friend, but he cheated on me, so the guy picked up the pieces and was super nice to me. I think that, ordinarily, if you’re too nice then that’s a turn off, but if that niceness comes through at the right time when I need it most, then maybe I’ll start to see it differently.”
Jo: “Mine was just down to booze. It was a drunken kiss, and I just laughed it off in the morning.”
So it is possible to get out of the friend zone?
Layla: “It’s possible, yes! There’s a glimmer of hope. My best tip is to totally ignore the fact that the friend zone even exists. Guys do weird and stupid, petty things to try to get out of it. Be cool – don’t be a dick.”
Lana: “Yeah. Like, don’t get all defensive and territorial on a night out. Don’t think you can’t get with other girls just because I’m there. Maybe I’ll see you with another girl, feel jealous and realise that maybe I do like you in a new way.”
How will a guy know he’s in the friend zone?
Lana: “Apart from ‘she’s not having sex with him’?” Jo: “If she ever says she’ll be your wingman on a night out. Ew. And if a girl’s mum is always saying, ‘Oh, you two would make such a great couple.’ Straight in the zone. I had that with a guy. My mum, to this day, still loves this one friend of mine and says I’ll regret it when I see him marry another girl. It just made me want to sleep with him even less.”
Lana: “And if your mum likes him, it means you’re turning into your mum, and that’s fucking frightening.”