Reboot The Pleasure With Your Partner
You’re both tired. You’re not happy with your increasing kilos. You’re stressed out over deadline pressures at work. There are many reasons that find couples reaching for the pillow or the remote control instead of their partner’s body after the sun goes down.
But a wholesome sex life is a key part of an intimate relationship, and neglecting it can push the two of you further apart. For many generations, there has been heavy repression of sexual expression through societal conditioning. Over time, our natural life force or sexual energy has been repressed and in the process, we’ve become disconnected from our primordial birthright of pleasure and abundance.
Living in a society that focuses on doing rather than being, we tend to lose touch with our intimacy, the innermost part of who we are and how to relate intimately in a fulfilling way. And the first step to connecting with your partner is to first connect with oneself. Ultimately, low self-esteem comes down to not being in love with thyself. The most important relationship we can ever nurture is the one with ourselves and all relationships flow from this foundation. If you don’t love yourself, you’re not going to share yourself with someone else. Intimacy is learning the art of inquiry, self-love, and companionship to inspire a reconnection to your own life force giving you access to the latent powers of pleasure and abundance
The data on divorce led us to conclude that intimate relationships have been falling apart for the last 20 years or so. The truth is that couples have never reliably learned how to sustain pleasure in intimate relationships. The difference is that it never mattered so much before. For many couples out there, intimacy might be subjected to physical closeness, but the truth is told, the real gem lies in mental and emotional balance. An intimate sexual relationship involves trust, zeal and being vulnerable at each other's slight touch. As partners, you need to understand which chord needs to picked and which one needs to be stroked.
Obviously, you can’t switch partners every time the excitement wanes. But you can change up some of the other factors. Trying a different place, a different time, perhaps a different position might do the trick, like have a morning quickie. Try making love in the shower or in a different room of the house. What you need to create is the desire to have your partner right there, right now. Human beings are animals, in a way at least, who
might have a tiff with each other day in or a day out, but would eventually cuddle in the arms of their loved ones under the starlit sky.
But you need to remember it’s not always about sex all the time. We aren’t crazy, are we? Small gestures, like that of sparkling yet flirty eye contact across the table, a sudden hug from behind, a little peck on the neck before one head out to work may create the intimacy that was missing. Often, the more a couple is intimate with each other in ways other than sex, the more fulfilling their sex life becomes.
If you think that your spark is wearing off, all you need to do is rediscover each other, time heals everything. If you haven’t had sex for some time, a come-on from your partner can feel very artificial and forced. It helps to reconnect in a non-sexual way first before you jump into the sheets. If you haven’t had any kind of quality time together, you’re not going to feel attracted towards one another. A small step eventually would lead to you achieving a bigger goal.
It is necessary to take a different approach, forgo of the old dinner and a movie cliché in favour of something new, and make it a priority on your
calendar. Schedule time each week for date night and make your partner feel loved but most importantly heard. Try opting for things the other likes once in a while, perhaps biking, bowling or something silly. Plan a trip and flee away from all the rush to the romantic escapades of Seychelles or Amalfi coast, but take time to stop and rekindle your romance. Let it become a habit and you’ll feel reconnected.
The desire will just grow from there. A quick sensual rendezvous may regain its excitement once you’ve reconnected. When the relationship’s alive like that, the 10-minute ‘let’s sneak off and do it’ scurry works great. The fact that it’s like your little secret helps further build the bond between you two. But, that bond has to be there in the first place to ignite that fire.