Hot advice from a cool girl: How to ace your first romantic holiday together  

On the first night, the local sleazeball tries to muscle in on her

“Getting chatted up by the locals is something every girl has to put up with when they’re away. Obviously, it’s awkward if I’m there with you. The best way to handle it is to give the guy a talking to, without being violent. If he isn’t listening you can be more forceful, but no girl is impressed by a man who uses his fists before his brain.”

You’ve fallen asleep in the sun and the results aren’t pretty  

“I think it’s OK for a guy to admit he’s sunburnt to shit. If you’re bright red it’s a bit difficult to hide the fact you’re in pain! I’d laugh at first, but then I’d love to help you put your aftersun on. I’ve never drawn a dick on someone’s back with suncream when they’ve fallen asleep – that’d be too mean.”

You take her to the bar where you got smashed last year, but she isn’t very keen  

“I’m quite adventurous, so if a guy wanted to take me to places he’d already been, it might put me off. I’d want to go out exploring, and no one wants to feel like a guy’s had a better time there with someone else. Take me somewhere new and we can be adventurous together.”

You’re three days in and desperately need to use the en suite for ‘something extra’

“If a guy wants to use the en suite he should play it cool; he’s only human. If it’s a new relationship he should try to hold it in until she’s out of the room, but he doesn’t have to do that the whole holiday.”

Your heart says Thailand, your wallet says Cleethorpes

“I don’t care where a guy wants to take me. Even if it’s somewhere crap, I wouldn’t mind, as long as he had a cool reason for taking me. The worst thing to do is book an all-inclusive. I want to go out and eat at weird local places, not a hotel buffet.”

You’re having second thoughts about your beach attire

“As long as you don’t wear Speedos, I don’t care what you put on. Italian-style short shorts are fine. Board shorts...For more grab the September issue of FHM.

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