Things To Know About Call Of Duty

Things To Know About Call Of Duty

Call Of Duty is the biggest games franchise in the known universe thanks to a Tom Clancy-style single- player mode and a multiplayer mode so addictive that men in hoodies could sell it on street corners.

Kicking off in 2003, the series first focused on WWII– but after it ran out of Nazis to kill, it started killing Russians with 2007’s Modern Warfare series. Releasing one game a year, it now alternates between Modern Warfare and Black Ops, a Cold War-themed mind games-fest, but the core of the game remains the same– get online and shoot as many of your mates as possible.

Put it this way – a man can be shot five times in the chest and survive, but die the instant a knife clips him in the foot. Running into combat at a sprint
and opening fire at point-blank range is not a currently-advised military tactic. In-game, grenades always explode with the same localised effects, rather than being hellish spheres of arbitrary the destruction that can kill up to 1,000ft away from the initial explosion.

But the AC-130 gunship sections – the black and white thermal imaging bits that look like ITN news report footage from the mid-’90s, where you open fire on insurgents from a plane with explosive cannon rounds – are so chillingly real that it’s rumoured they’ve fooled actual AC-130    operators.

When you start playing, you’ll die a lot. Here are five quick ways to make that not happen. 

Duck: For God’s sake, when you’re not running somewhere, duck. It makes you a smaller target makes your shots more accurate and is named after our favourite genus of waterfowl.

Don't Chase People: Odds are that they know what they’re doing, so it might be a good idea to keep away from them in order to stay alive.

Hide Behind Stuff: Stay out of the fight. Work at the edges of a conflict, not standing in the middle of it getting shot like an idiot.

Don't Hesitate: Most fights come down to you and one other person facing each other; the first one to pull the trigger wins. Do your best not to be the second. 

Never Stop Moving: If you stand still, you’re easier to shoot. Even if you just shuffle like an indecisive crab, it’s better than nothing. 

Here are five very addictive things and five reasons why CoD is exactly like them. 

Cocaine: It goes fast. Really fast. And the constant barrage of demands makes it difficult to become bored with the game or even really think coherently.

World of Warcraft: It offers choice – building your own class from customisable parts gives you a) plenty of ownership over your game and b) plenty to obsess over.

Sex: It comes with an explosive finale if you do it right. Often, all we end up with at the end is a stupid helicopter which must be the equivalent of a disappointing wank.

Gambling: It’s hard to tell if you’re going to win at the start of the match. Relying on your team makes each game an exercise in hope and despair.

Cigarettes: Everyone else does it and it looks cool. CoD has shifted huge numbers, so your friends probably play too, and who wants to be worse at something than their friends? Losers, that’s who.

How to know if you’ve overdosed

Call Of Duty can eat into your spare time like a hungry lorry driver into a pair of Ginsters pasties. Sometimes, it can be hard to tell if you’ve been playing too hard. If more than three of the following statements apply to you, put down the controller and go for a walk.

  1. Your honed reflexes are so wired your flatmate came into the room unexpectedly and you made an involuntary snap-second decision on whether to rush and knife him or drop prone and shoot him with an imaginary SMG.
  2. The sun rises, and you’re pretty sure you remember noticing it set.
  3. You suddenly realise you haven’t eaten anything that wasn't crisped for the last 12 hours.
  4. You go to the bathroom and instinctively strafe around corners on the way in case someone’s camping in your laundry basket. ❑
  5. You open your third consecutive can of Red Bull with a mixture of lust and apprehension.
  6. You don’t know where your phone is, you don’t care, and actually, you prefer it this way.
  7. You haven’t spoken to another human being in eight hours (not counting swearing at them over a headset).
  8. Your eyes feel dry, scratchy and tired and your attempts to keep them open with matchsticks as they do in the cartoons only makes things worse.
  9. You can’t remember the last time you went for a piss, and that’s not bothering you as much as it should be.
  10. Your girlfriend has just left you for another man because

a) you play too much Call of Duty or
b) your constant nit-picking of her Perk selection finally got to her.

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