Decide if you really should call Saul
Finally, the debut of long-awaited Breaking Bad spin-off Better Call Saul is coming to our screens. The jury’s still out on whether the exploits of scumbag lawyer Saul Goodman can fill the Heisenberg-shaped hole in our lives, but one thing’s for sure – he’s the man we’d want to have our backs if we ever reigned supreme over a crystal meth empire. Unfortunately, he lives all the way in America, so we called a local, less-than-reputable ‘no win, no fee’ firm (who we won’t name for, er... legal reasons) posing as Walter White, seeking counsel for some of his more diabolical schemes, to see how helpful they’d be... [After speaking to a receptionist, asking to remain anonymous and being connected to a criminal lawyer]
Hello. I’m in a bit of a legal pickle. I’ve been corralled by a local drugs kingpin and chicken-shop owner into manufacturing and distributing Class A drugs for him. I just wondered where I stood should I want to get out of this situation unscathed.
Right, OK. Well, it doesn’t really matter who this character is if you’re caught by the police in the production, you know? The law’s very clear and there’s no grey area. I mean, if you’re under duress, as you say you are, that has been used as a defence. But it doesn’t work.
So I should try to get rid of him without the police?
[LAUGHS] Er, I wouldn’t advise that, mate. Whatever you’re involved in, I would stop at the earliest opportunity. I mean, if charges are brought against you, you can say you were under duress. But we used that defence in a case last year and it didn’t work. It depends on your circumstances. You’re still looking at prison.
Right. Thanks. Thing is, the police have obtained some laptop evidence that potentially links me to this bloke’s outfit, but they haven’t made the connection yet. Is there any way I can get this evidence back before they realise?
[PAUSE] I’m not with you...
I was thinking of destroying the evidence. I’m from a very scientific background, which is why I’m so good at making meth, so if there’s just some way I...
[INTERRUPTS] Woah, woah. Look, I think it sounds like you need to hold up a bit here. I mean, it sounds here like you’re trying to have the best of every world. I’m telling you that if you’re trying to deceive and scheme, we can’t advise you on that. It’s a very dangerous area you’re in.
But what if I AM THE DANGER?
Pardon me? [PAUSE] Right, OK. I don’t think we’re in the same area here, mate. Thanks for your call.